To put it simply, my number one way to reduce stress is to stop rushing. I truly believe that if you can stop rushing, you can start healing. When we are constantly rushing from one thing to the next, rushing through meals, and always thinking about what’s coming next, we are never present. This puts us in a constant state of fight or flight and oftentimes leads to us being addicted to this state. When we actually try to slow down it can feel uncomfortable. This is a sign you’ve been in fight or flight for too long. How can we assess this for ourselves? Let’s do a little exercise.
One of the best ways to stop rushing is to recognize when exactly you are doing it. I really like to have clients write down what their typical day is like. Here are some questions to reflect on:
Most of us are living in a state of constant stress and doing. This will leave anyone feeling exhausted, anxious, and stressed. There are often small changes we can make over time to slow down. Learning to do less and not always feeling like you have to be productive is often a key part of reducing stress. Take a few minutes to reflect on your day-to-day and try to find some space for slowing down. What change could you make to something to make it less stressful? Maybe it’s shortening a to-do list and only doing what’s absolutely essential or being more realistic with how long tasks take you so you aren’t always rushing. Whatever that might look like for you, outline changes you can start implementing (only do one at a time) to bring a little more peace to your day-to-day.
For me personally, this looked like doing less each day. I would try to cram so much work into the day and then also make sure I had activities for my daughter. In reality, we both needed more space. I found myself with a shorter to-do list and actually getting more done (multitasking is extremely unproductive but when I had so much to do I felt like I had no other choice). Instead of trying to fill my afternoons with specific activities with my daughter, I started focusing on free play and connection. There’s so much pressure as a parent to rely on other things to help your children develop, but in reality, spending time outside and exploring is what is best for them. I found a nearby hiking/field/open area where I now go 2-3x a week with my daughter for at least 2-3 hours. For more information on spending time outside and research/sources, check out 1000 hours outside. It’s life-changing! Creating more empty space in my day for myself and my family is what has really supported my mental and physical health and reduced my stress, especially after becoming a mom. It’s something I wish I did a lot sooner though. Learning how to balance work, being a mom, and taking care of myself was really really hard. It pushed me to my limits and forced me to look at my life and make a change. That’s why I feel so strongly about this activity. It can show you what you don’t want to see, which can be hard, but once you work toward making those small changes, you will change too and it will be for the better in so many ways.
Like I mentioned above, the transition back to work soon after becoming a new mom was hard for me, as it is for most women I talk to. I felt like I was constantly rushing from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I knew it was detrimental to my health and well-being but I didn’t know how else to get everything done. Taking inventory like the exercise above was a great first step. I chipped away at small changes in my day for a while. During this time I was also seeing a therapist. We did your typical talk therapy and also incorporated somatic work (tuning into your body). One question that she asked me that really sparked something in me was if there was anything I did before having my daughter that I missed. I couldn’t think of one thing. I really enjoy being a mom and love filling my time outside of work with my daughter. I thought I just didn’t care about anything else, but after our session was over I got the urge to journal. I completely stopped journaling for over 6 months after birth. I started journaling that day and so much came out of me. It was like it had all been welling up and just waiting for me to crack open a new crisp journal. I forgot how much I loved journaling and then I thought about what my therapist asked me and realized there were things I missed. I just hadn’t slowed down enough to connect to them. Bringing back journaling on a regular basis has been so helpful for me. Journaling is how I process my thoughts and helps me feel less scattered and more in tune. Everyone will be unique with what helps them, but bringing back something I loved so much before my daughter and incorporating that has been very healing for me. So my question for you and what I think would be helpful to reflect on is:
Is there anything you did before having your kids that you miss? how can you include this in your life now? what might that look like?
I hope this helps you reflect and start to slow down!
Want to learn more about how to help with your stress levels? Here are some great resources:
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