In this episode I’m going to talk about business and motherhood, which is something I talk about in my stories sometimes and have gotten a lot of requests for a full podcast episode with thoughts. I have so many thoughts, so I’m going to try to keep this organized and easy to listen to.
Here’s what I plan to cover:
Before I dig into everything, I want to preface this with a few things:
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Amanda Montalvo [00:00:01]:
Welcome to the Are You Menstrual podcast, where we dive deep into all things women’s health to support you on your healing journey. I’m Amanda Montalvo, functional and integrative dietitian, also known as the Hormone Healing Rd. If you enjoyed this podcast and you want to keep learning, check out the podcast Patreon, where I share a bonus episode with additional downloadable resources. Each week. You can go to patreon.com, hormonehealingrdez, or check out the link in the show notes. All right, we have a fun episode, or I think it’s gonna be a fun one. On the topic around business and motherhood, this is something I tend to talk more about in my Instagram Stories, and I end up getting into a lot of amazing conversations with a lot of women in the community that are also moms and either working from home or have a business themselves. And I’m calling this business and motherhood.
Amanda Montalvo [00:00:55]:
It could really be, like, insert career, you know, anything that you’re, like, passionate about outside of being a mom, I think, could also, like, fit into this category, whether you’re working for yourself, someone else, or it’s just something that you like. I have a couple women that I was chatting with that they have a role, like, in their local school, that it’s not necessarily, like a job for them, but they are, like, part of that community there. So whatever that might look like for you. I have a business, so that’s kind of the vantage point that I have. But I thought that I would just kind of go through a few specific areas. I have a lot to say on the topic. I’m going to keep this short, mostly because my girls need me right now. My husband’s holding down the fort, but Maya’s a little sick, which has been really sad the last couple days.
Amanda Montalvo [00:01:39]:
And so I snuck away to record this, which could not be more fitting, right, for the business and motherhood episode. Sick baby can’t record, so up all night nursing last night. Brain doesn’t function, but here we are. So I will go. I want to kind of go through my outlook, why I choose to do both, how becoming a mom helped my business and, like, even honestly, like, increased my drive in what I do and how I help women. And then I’m going to talk a little bit about what my day to day looks like, and then how I take care of myself. A lot of this probably isn’t going to be what you think. I.
Amanda Montalvo [00:02:14]:
But before I go into any of that, I’m just gonna. I just wanna preface with a few things. Number one, just like, any topic I talk about, whether it’s health, motherhood, anything, please just take what resonates with you. Take what you think. Like, ooh, that makes me really curious, and I wanna dig into that more. Anything like that. Take that and then leave the rest. And I kinda wish we all had that attitude online when it comes to people sharing information.
Amanda Montalvo [00:02:43]:
We don’t have to, like, get up in arms about everything. We also don’t have to put guilt or shame on ourselves just because we are not like someone else or we’re doing things differently. Everyone’s gonna be different when it comes to motherhood and your family. Each person is so unique, it’s wild. Each child is so unique. It just, like, amazes me having more than one kid now. I’m like, you are both completely different and have completely different needs. It’s very interesting.
Amanda Montalvo [00:03:11]:
And then, like, put other, like, different parents into the mix too. So just keep all that stuff in mind. The other thing I want to share is kind of our situation, because, like, I just have noticed that moms tend to listen to information and, like, take everything very personally. And I don’t think this is from a negative place. I think this is from a place of, I want to be the best mom I can be, best wife, whatever it might be. And it’s typically like them wanting to do something, comparing themselves to someone else. Please don’t do that. But if I just to, like, keep things in perspective, I want to share kind of like, where my family is at in the season of our lives, because that really impacts everything that I’m going to share with you.
Amanda Montalvo [00:03:52]:
So I currently have a two and a half year old, that’s Eliana, and then I have a seven month old, and that’s Amaya. I have my own business, right? I’ve been in business for, I think, I don’t know how many years. Many years. Nine years now. Could be ten. I should look that up. Long time. I’m doing this a long time.
Amanda Montalvo [00:04:11]:
And so I’m not like a brand new business or anything. And then my husband is active duty military. He has pretty stressful job, and he’s gone a lot. And so that, of course, affects our family dynamic and impacts the changes and the decisions that we make. So. And we. And we do not currently have childcare. I am often have people, like, shocked that I don’t have childcare.
Amanda Montalvo [00:04:33]:
It just didn’t work for our family. I talked about that in another podcast episode. It’s just like, I tried to have a nanny. It made me really depressed. Personally. I felt like I missed out. I still regret it to this day. I don’t regret many things in my life, but I really regret that.
Amanda Montalvo [00:04:48]:
I feel like I missed out on a lot with Eliana, and I get literally cry right now talking about it, so I’m going to stop. But didn’t work for us doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work for other people. But that’s kind of like, the other thing that shapes how I look at business and motherhood and all the decisions that I make. So with what you will, just keep that in mind as I’m talking. Like, I am not you, I’m not your situation. That’s kind of where I’m coming from. So when it comes to my outlook on business and motherhood, I love what I do in both places. I really genuinely feel like I’m so, so lucky and I’m so grateful for kind of, like, how I’ve ended up, like, in different places in my life.
Amanda Montalvo [00:05:29]:
So I take my work very seriously. It’s very important to me. So is my role as a mom and a wife, and I think that we can do both. It’s just finding balance between the two. Like, that is helpful. I am personally not a perfectionist, so I’m, like, okay with not being perfect at either one. I know a lot of women really struggle with that. I don’t.
Amanda Montalvo [00:05:51]:
I don’t know, I’ve just never. I feel like maybe you categorize me as, like, type a, but I don’t know, I’m just not a perfectionist. I know most women I talk to that have a hard time doing both. It’s because they’re trying to be perfect at both things. They’re spreading themselves too thin. Feel like once I became a mom, it really taught me how to surrender and to stop constantly questioning things and trying to figure everything out and trust the process of life a little bit. And so that has been extremely helpful for me. And, like, something I have to constantly remind myself of.
Amanda Montalvo [00:06:27]:
Like, I can’t plan everything. I can’t always know what’s going to happen next. I’m not always going to have a solution for something, and I’m not always going to get everything done, and I’m not always gonna know how I’m gonna get it all done. I have to kind of trust that it’s gonna happen. Now, this doesn’t mean that I put way too much on my plate. That’s unrealistic. But just, you know, when things come up like this, weekend kids get sick. They can randomly get sick, and it can really throw off.
Amanda Montalvo [00:06:50]:
Like, I work a lot on the weekends, and so I was like, wow, I can’t do anything this weekend. This is really rough. And it made me have to look at next week and the week after and the week after that and say, how am I gonna adjust this? And so there’s just, like, this constant learning curve. But for me, like, when I became a mom, I became a whole different person. Like, they say, like, when a baby’s born, so is a mother. And I really was completely reborn with both of my girls. And I’m still constantly changing and evolving. And I, you know, I love spending time with them because I love them and they’re my children.
Amanda Montalvo [00:07:22]:
But I also, like, they make me a better person. I feel like the kids can make you either really crazy and, like, stressed out and depleted, or you can choose a different route and go against what society kind of teaches us about what it’s like to be a mom, and you can really thrive and love it. Not easy. Not easy. But neither is being miserable and stressed out all day. So it’s kind of like I make the choice to actively work on my mindset around being a mom. I get to be home with my kids. I worked so hard when I first started my business because I wanted to have kids and work from home and have kids.
Amanda Montalvo [00:07:59]:
So I kind of always knew I wanted to do this, and I wanted flexibility in my schedule, and I wanted to have control over it so that I could be at home with my kids. My mom, she had an at home daycare when I growing up, so I was always with her for the most part. And then her and her sisters, she has, like, a million siblings and her and a couple of her sisters, they all had kids around the same age, and so they would, they each worked part time and they’d rotate. He was watching the kids, and so I was always with my cousins or with family. My dad always worked two jobs growing up. Neither my parents went to college, so we struggled quite a bit. But, I mean, I definitely get my work ethic from them and my entrepreneurial spirit from my mom. I think it’s so cool that she started in at home daycare and, like, she didn’t, you know, she had to get her license.
Amanda Montalvo [00:08:43]:
She had to figure out how to have her own business, like taxes, like, all that stuff. And, like, she didn’t know any of that. She just kind of was like, I’m going to be home with my kids, and I’m going to figure it out. And I just think that’s really cool. And definitely that’s where I got it from. And, yeah, so my husband didn’t have the best childhood. I won’t talk about it on here, but not the best, not the worst. But I.
Amanda Montalvo [00:09:02]:
Because of how we grew up, we’re like, we want to spend as much time with our children. And so for me, I knew that that’s something that I wanted to prioritize. So we did have kids a little bit later. We also had a hard time getting pregnant with Eliana. And either way, though, like, it all ended up working out because I was able to have my business in a place where I could stay home. I mean, I definitely make less money. Don’t get me wrong. I definitely working less, I make less money, but it’s not, so it’s not like I have to only work one on one with clients, which would be very difficult for me personally, especially having, like, a seven month old now.
Amanda Montalvo [00:09:35]:
So, you know, there’s, like, pros and cons, there’s different ways you can do things, but for me, I just knew that that’s always what I wanted. I work very hard in my business, and I also work really hard at being a mom, and I like having both. I just think it’s like, for me, it’s, like, very fulfilling in all ways. I feel so fulfilled in all the different areas of my life. So even though it can be really hard and sometimes stressful, I don’t think I could do it any other way. So I personally really, really like doing both. And I like my girls to see me doing both. Like, I don’t.
Amanda Montalvo [00:10:05]:
Eliana knows when I’m obviously, mine’s very little, but Eliana knows that when I’m working, like, I tell her what I’m doing, and I’ll talk about this more on the day to day, day in the life thing. But, like, she always knows. Like, I’m, oh, I’m responding to my students in Kajabi, or, like, when I do group calls for our fertility program, I’m like, I’m going to do the coaching call. I’m going to go help these ladies. And she doesn’t, like, really good. She’s two and a half. But she knows that I’m going to do something specific. I’m not just going to work.
Amanda Montalvo [00:10:32]:
So I think that helps, too. And as she gets older, she’ll, like, learn more and more, which I really like. So I like to nerd out about all the things, women’s health. But I also like, really like to learn about child development, what is best for my kids growing up. What kind of decisions do we want to make around different things? Screen time, you know, are we going to do preschool? Are we going to do homeschool? All that sort of thing. I like to research and understand those things and make good choices, just like I would within my business and learning about women’s health. So they’re both, like, very big passions of mine. Becoming a mom has definitely, I would say, helped my business.
Amanda Montalvo [00:11:05]:
Again, I’m not making more money. Cause I’m working significantly less than I previous was. I also was working way too much. Okay? So I was not. That’s a huge part of why I was having a hard time conceiving. I was way too stressed, even though I was doing all the health things, right. I’m doing all these labs. I’m like, come on, like, why is this not working? And it was cause I was way too stressed.
Amanda Montalvo [00:11:24]:
I was working so much. So now I’m able to work significantly less. I typically work about three, 4 hours a day, seven days a week, which I know a lot of people would not like, but that’s just my reality for right now. We have a year left until my husband’s out of the military, and then our schedule will shift, and I plan to not work on the weekends. He’s going to go back to school. We’re still figuring out what that will look like, but it’s, you know, eventually. Our. Our goal as a family is to both be working part time to support our family.
Amanda Montalvo [00:11:56]:
We don’t want the financial piece just on one person, whether it’s myself or him. And he is, like, a very passionate person, just like me, not within, like, what I do. So I could. I don’t think it’d be a good fit for him to work for my business. I have a lot of friends that their husbands work for their businesses. Some of them are doing great, and they’re amazing. I have others that have confided in me that they’re very stressed being the main, like, breadwinner, and it’s really hard for them. I don’t personally want that, and we’ve had many conversations about that.
Amanda Montalvo [00:12:24]:
So our future plans are, you know, he’s gonna go back to school, figure out the career thing. He’ll work part time and have flexible hours and same thing with me, and we’ll figure out how to make it work financially with all the decisions that we make. So we’re pretty good about that stuff. Like, we’ve been planning this all for a really long time. So we just basically have to wait for him to get out of the military to act on it, and then I will, you know, I wouldn’t recommend, like, when I go through my current day to day, I’m not, like, recommending this to people for long term. I. If I had to do this forever, I wouldn’t do it. I would.
Amanda Montalvo [00:12:56]:
I would probably have to figure out another way because you do get burnt out. At least I do. And I try to keep that from happening, but it’s really hard when, like, I don’t know when my husband’s going to deploy half the time, you know, so there’s only so much I can plan and prepare for. And then a lot of times it’s just like, all right, I’ll see you later, you know? Or, like, his schedule changes week to week. That’s really hard for me. I try to be flexible about that, but it’s like, it can be mentally very draining when you’re like, I thought we were going to have this kind of week, and now we’re having this one. So, like, those kinds of things tend to burn me out more. So if we.
Amanda Montalvo [00:13:30]:
Again, if we were staying in, I would not do everything this way, but it’s going to work for the next year, we’re going to make it work. But becoming a mom has really helped my business and that I know exactly what I want to work on whenever. Because think about it. Like, for. For me, the way I view it is okay if I’m going to spend time away from my girls, and realistically, it’s like they’re taking a nap or like, eliana’s independent playing, but if I’m going to specifically structure our day in a way that I’m going to be like, okay, I am working and it’s always going to be on a screen. That’s how my work is. Or when my husband is home, like, on the weekends, like, you know, I will go up to my office for, like, 2 hours, and, like, that’s a long time for me to be away from them. Amaya is usually with me because she’s too little, but the longest I’m apart from her right now is about an hour past.
Amanda Montalvo [00:14:16]:
That does not work. But ultimately, it’s like I am taking time away from them in our kind of connection interaction. And so this has to be worth it for me in my mind. So everything I do, I genuinely love. I only work on projects that I’m like, this is. I’m doing this because I want this result. I love helping women and I think the work I do is really important. I get messages and emails every single day.
Amanda Montalvo [00:14:40]:
Women being like, I went through your course or someone that I worked one on one with. People that just listened to my podcast, didn’t even work with me, and they’re like, you have changed my life. Thank you for sharing this information. And that is, like, all the affirmation I need to kind of keep going and keep doing what I’m doing, just like engaging with my community. I can see the change, and I also can see the need for change so much in society in general that I’m like, this work has to be done, and I feel very passionately about it. So becoming a mom has just helped me hone in even more on, like, what do I actually want to be doing? I like responding to all the comments inside my mastermind course. I like knowing if someone understands something or they don’t, if they need my help, if they are not sure about what next step to make. Like, I like being there to support them.
Amanda Montalvo [00:15:30]:
So I spend time doing that. I like doing the Q and A’s each month, answering questions and interacting live. So I do that. The podcast, we have one on one nutritionist. Like, I’m growing my one on one team and they work directly with our clients. And I. I love one on one. I miss it so much.
Amanda Montalvo [00:15:44]:
I do some. I just don’t do a lot because it’s hard with scheduling and babies and sleep and, you know, deployments and all that stuff. So that is very limited right now, but I get to live vicariously through my practitioners and still be involved in all the cases, which is really nice. But I only do the things that I truly love and I want to be doing, and that has just been, like, a huge gift for me. I know some people don’t need to become a mom to do that, but for me, it just, like, really helps me be, like, what is absolutely essential and what is not. I also am personally, like, a lot more focused and I’ve had so many more boundaries with things. This is going to kind of bring us into the next topic of, like, current day to day and, like, daily rhythms and routines. I get a lot of questions about that and I think, like, I personally, for me, I became a mom and I was like, oh, my gosh, like, all your flaws just come out.
Amanda Montalvo [00:16:37]:
I don’t know what it is. My goodness. It’s like, oh, I have to. This is not how this is going to go. Like, I have to change this or I don’t want to set this example for my girls, whatever it might be. It really brings everything to the forefront. And so I needed a ton of boundaries with my phone, which is the hardest thing ever. When you have a business online, even if you don’t, it’s just really hard.
Amanda Montalvo [00:16:58]:
Right. Phones are so addictive. The dopamine is out of control. I mean, they pay people millions, billions of dollars to make everything really addictive. So it’s not shocking that it works, but I have to have a lot of boundaries with my phone, and I had to stop multitasking. If there was, like, any advice I could give someone to support your nervous system in general, as a mom, as a business owner, stop multitasking. And I know you’re like, but I’m a mom. I’m, like, the queen of multitasking.
Amanda Montalvo [00:17:26]:
And yes, sometimes you’re going to be doing something. Your kid’s going to need something different. Things like that, of course. But I’m talking about, like, I just. I’m trying to think of a good, like, a classic scenario of, like, a mom is, like, making food, but she’s also emptying the dishwasher, and then she’s on her phone. Maybe order, and not even in a bad way, but, like, managing a household is a lot. Like, maybe you’re, like, ordering. You’re, like, ordering more diapers or wipes on Amazon or something.
Amanda Montalvo [00:17:54]:
Or you’re like, oh, my gosh, we just ran out of this toothpaste that I like. Just thinking of things that I do, guys, no big deal. Like, ordering things for the house, organizing what you’re gonna like, the meal plans and stuff. I do so much of that on my phone because I’m often doing it while Amaya’s nursing, honestly, because I’m sitting and Eliana will typically be playing independently. So things like that, it’s like you can end up, like, you’re trying to do all these things at once, and then you’re like, oh, my gosh, I’m burning this. Or you’re overstimulated because you’re trying to do this thing on your phone, but your kids asking for your help, and so it’s like, I’ve just learned that I cannot live that way. We are not meant to multitask. I don’t think so.
Amanda Montalvo [00:18:31]:
At least I think that is, like, a fight or flight, like, addicted to cortisol type of situation, which is very easy to be in our society. So I’m not, like, blaming anyone. I’m very addicted to cortisol. I definitely have improved that a ton over the last 15 years, I would say. But I. It’s hard, you know, to, like, I do need to be on my phone for work sometimes. I do like to do. I like to do a lot of things.
Amanda Montalvo [00:19:01]:
I like to, like, be productive. Who doesn’t like to be productive? I have kids and I have a business. It’s like, I have a lot that I need to get done, but it’s just this fine line of, like, okay, I have a lot I need to get done, but what’s realistic each day? And can I. How can I do it in a way that’s not going to, like, completely overload my nervous system? And I think a lot of that comes back to, like, not doing a million things at once, even if we think we should, even if that’s what we say, we see as normal online for moms, like, oh, you’re supposed to be super stressed and overstimulated and all these things. It’s normal. I’m like, I don’t think we have to settle for that. I personally choose not to, but it does require so much intention and, like, so many boundaries. And honestly, like, for me, a lot of experimenting and figuring out, like, what works for us.
Amanda Montalvo [00:19:48]:
So that’s kind of, like, another thing that it has. I think becoming a mom has. It’s helped me work less, not be so burnt out, learn so much about myself. And it has actually supported my nervous system. It easily could go the other way. But because, you know, I’ve got this education, this background, I’ve been working. I’ve been on my healing journey for, like, 15 years. It’s very different.
Amanda Montalvo [00:20:13]:
You know, I’m not entering this, like, at day zero, so I can easily see how this could go the other way for many moms out there. But for me, it did, like, the complete opposite. And I, that was something I was very afraid of, not being able to do the things I wanted to do, and that was so not the case. So if anyone’s out there and you’re like, you have a business, but you want to have children, it doesn’t ruin your business, but it does require a lot of intention and mindfulness. Okay, so my current day to day, I’ll go kind of go through, like, what my day to day looks like, and then I’m going to share, like, some things that have helped me be successful with having, like, a pretty good day to day. And then, like, the reality mostly the reality is that I have slowed down a lot in my business because I have two small children. And I want to be present with them. We don’t have a good option for childcare.
Amanda Montalvo [00:21:01]:
My mom typically comes once a month, ideally twice. But, like, she has a life, too, so, you know, darn it. But Mima has a life. She typically comes once or twice a month. If it’s a good month, it’s twice. If it’s not, it’s once or none. But she makes it us a huge priority. And I’m so grateful for that.
Amanda Montalvo [00:21:20]:
And Eliana is obsessed with her mima. Like, when Mima’s here, it’s like, just forget it, mom. I don’t even know who you are. And it’s such a joy to see them together. It’s like the most beautiful and healing thing ever. Improving our thyroid health can be complex, right? It’s so much more than just knowing, am I making enough thyroid hormone? We really need to zoom out and look at the full process and picture and understand, okay, how is signaling from my brain going? Is my thyroid getting the signal to make more thyroid hormone? And then you have to think about, is there anything my thyroid might need that it’s not getting to produce that thyroid hormone? Maybe there’s a nutrient deficiency, maybe there’s too much inflammation or stress. Then we want to think about, can it convert it? Right? That’s the next big step. And that’s typically impacted by stress, inflammation, and nutrient deficiencies as well.
Amanda Montalvo [00:22:09]:
And then finally we have to realize, can it get inside the cells? And this is where minerals come in big time. So zooming out, understanding your full picture is so critical for thyroid health. This is why I created my free functional thyroid series. That is a six part video series. It’s a mini course. I’m really proud of it. It gives you a ton of information and it’s going to help you figure out what is the root cause of your thyroid issue. Where in the process is it breaking down for you.
Amanda Montalvo [00:22:37]:
I even go through lab tests and teach you how to understand what your lab tests mean and what you might want to optimize based on your results. So make sure you check it out. You can go to the description of this podcast and get the link to join for free. So I’m very grateful for that. Outside of that, it’s me and my husband and we make it work and we figure it out. But ultimately, I am not working more than 4 hours a day each day. And if I don’t get something done during the week, then if he is home, then I will do that on the weekend. But typically we have like a daily rhythm.
Amanda Montalvo [00:23:13]:
I even look at things more of, like, a week because we not every day is exactly the same, but they’re pretty much the same. Like, we do gymnastics once a week, like, a mommy and me class. It’s so much fun. And then we go to the grocery store one day, and then usually we do one fun thing, and sometimes that’s during the week. So I try to make it on the weekend so my husband can be involved, but sometimes it’s, like, something we’re just doing with friends during the week, so. But I really try to make it so that we are not over scheduling and doing too much, because that makes it impossible. It eats up so much time, and then it makes it impossible for me to have time to work and for Eliana to play independently during that time. So I think that’s really important.
Amanda Montalvo [00:23:54]:
Is being super mindful and, like, intentional with your schedule? Like, yes. Do I have flexibility? We could pretty much do anything we wanted, of course, but within reason. Because if we’re, like, taking all these, if we take a trip outside of the house every single day, then that’s gonna really eat into the rest of our day, and it’s gonna cut back how much I can work. So that’s something I’m also mindful of. Tuesdays are I kind of view as, like, I’m not gonna get a ton of work done, so I don’t stress about it. I don’t plan a lot for Tuesdays. So that’s kind of the other big thing, is I will look at the schedule for the week and be like, what can I realistically get done each day? And I don’t pick too many things. Like, I have morning work that I do every single day, and that’s, like, responding to students in my course, responding to one on one clients in, like, messenger and practice, better responding inside Patreon, and then those are.
Amanda Montalvo [00:24:47]:
Those are, like, the big ones. Oh, and responding inside our fertility community and circle. Geez. So there’s four big things that I’m like, okay, I need to do this every single morning for the most part. Sometimes I’ll take Tuesdays and Thursdays off of that. It just kind of depends on what my schedule looks like. So that’s like, morning work. I’m like, okay.
Amanda Montalvo [00:25:05]:
That’s what I’m doing first thing in the morning when I wake up after, we’ll talk about that. But, like, morning work, and then I have, like, one work block in late morning when Eliana works independently, and then I have one work block in the afternoon, and that’s like Monday through Friday. So that’s when I know, okay, these are the work blocks I have. What projects can I fit in them? And I kind of have an idea of how long things will take me, typically. And then I don’t do any videos or anything during the week anymore because Eliana doesn’t nap, so I can’t film anything because it’ll get interrupted. So I save all my filming for the weekends now, and that has taken a huge stress off my shoulders because I’m like, I don’t have to redo anything. I’m not wasting my time. I can just do all the work I know I can get done efficiently with kids, home, and then on the weekend, I do stuff that I’m like, okay, this is harder.
Amanda Montalvo [00:25:50]:
I need my husband to take the girls. So that’s kind of like overview schedule. But I think being realistic, understanding what’s age appropriate for your child, like, I don’t expect Eliana not to interrupt me during her independent play. Like, when I’m working, I tell her I’m working, I explain what I’m doing, and I tell her actually, what I’m working on. Like, she’ll, are you done with your project yet? So cute. It’s like the cutest thing ever. So she kind of gets it, and it just. That’s what works for us.
Amanda Montalvo [00:26:17]:
But she’ll need my help sometimes, especially if she’s doing, like, an activity or something. Like, she’ll need my help, and that’s fine. She knows that it’s fine. I’m always easily accessible. But she also knows, like, okay, during this time, mommy’s going to get this done, and then here’s what we’re going to do. Like, I will have a plan after. But most days, I’m getting up around 06:00. Maya’s a very early riser.
Amanda Montalvo [00:26:39]:
She’s usually up by, like, 536. So I used to try to get up early, but then she just wakes up with me and I’m like, is this worth it? Kind of not so. Usually we’re up by 530 or six, and then I will get on my rebounder for a couple minutes. I’m obsessed with rebounding right now. I I don’t know what it is. I’m just like, man, I just like. Supporting my lymphatic system just feels so good. Like, just gentle jumps for two minutes.
Amanda Montalvo [00:27:03]:
All I need first thing in the morning. Sometimes I hold her, sometimes she plays on the ground. But I just rebound for a couple minutes in the morning, drink some water, let my dogs out, and then from there, I get. I change her diaper, get her all set up. Usually I nurse her, get her all set up to play, and she’ll play independently while I’m working and doing my morning work. And I do the same work every morning. I know what I have to do. I know how long it takes, that sort of thing.
Amanda Montalvo [00:27:27]:
And so I usually work for 45 minutes to an hour, depending on what time Eliana wakes up. Now that she’s not napping, she’ll usually sleep till about seven. So I usually get a solid hour of work in the morning. And that hour is so important to me. It’s a huge stress relief, because I’m like, okay, I had to get these all done today, and, like, they’re done, and then once Eliana wakes up, then it’s like, okay, our morning routine is breakfast. We make breakfast together. They’re usually going back and forth between, like, playing, needing my help, tension, and then we sit down and eat. It’s a very chill.
Amanda Montalvo [00:27:57]:
We don’t rush. I mean, we don’t go anywhere earlier in the morning. I just don’t like it. It’s. It’s usually not a good. Not a good vibe in the house if we do. So we take a very slow morning after breakfast. It, depending on what time am I woke up and how long breakfast took.
Amanda Montalvo [00:28:11]:
What time Eliana woke up. Sometimes I put Amaya down, and then Eliana and I will have someone on one time, or sometimes I have time to clean up, then get ready for the day, then put, am I down? It just all depends on wake up times. But in some fashion, we’re like, we, the girls know it’s clean up time after breakfast, then we get ready for the day. Amaya naps. Me and Eliana get someone on one time, and then when Amaya wakes up, usually the morning is a short nap, then that’s when I will do my work block. And am I like, it’s a. I only take an hour, so we do about an hour. They’ll play sometimes.
Amanda Montalvo [00:28:48]:
Amaya needs to eat in that time, but she’s eating a lot of solid foods now, so she’s nursing a little bit less. So I’ll be. They’ll play. They still need my help. Usually I try to do this outside with my laptop. Depends on, like, what Eliana chooses to play with. And then after that, typically we play for a little bit, see how much time we have till we need to make lunch, and then we do lunch, and then after that, Amaya goes down for another nap. Usually it’s about 60 to 90 minutes.
Amanda Montalvo [00:29:15]:
And then in the beginning of the nap, I’ll get one on one time with Eliana again. So you’ll notice that before I do my work, I get one on one time with Eliana. And that is key for her playing independently, still feeling connected to me and me being able to get my work done. And then she gets her free playtime. So that is really important. Sometimes we do the. We get that one on one time, and then am I up, like, ten minutes later? And I used to feel really guilty about being like, I have to. I have to work.
Amanda Montalvo [00:29:46]:
Like, I can’t not work right now, but now I don’t because I’m going through Jerika sands course. I think that’s how you say her last name. It’s mother Wildflower. Highly recommend. I actually had someone in this community message me about this, and I was like, I’m kind of already doing all that stuff. Like, we don’t use screens. Eliana plays independently really well. Like, I was like, I don’t know how much I need it.
Amanda Montalvo [00:30:06]:
And then I was looking at it and I was like, oh, okay, no, I need this. And it’s, yes. Like, we do a lot of the stuff in it already. If you want to learn how for your kid to play independently, just please go through the course. I definitely wish I had it sooner. As a resource, I went through something kind of similar but different for Eliana, like, when she was about one, a course like that. And that’s what really helped us build on our independent play. But Jerika’s like, ugh, I wish I did hers before, because she really just makes.
Amanda Montalvo [00:30:35]:
She’s so educated. She’s really a really great teacher. Her background’s in child development, and it’s phenomenal. Just if you’re hesitating and you’re struggling to find time for yourself at home, or if you work from home and you have kids, like, do it. This woman was so right, and I’m so happy that I did it. But, you know, kids need a lot of free play. They need, like, uninterrupted play time. And sometimes it’s, like, easy to feel like, oh, my gosh, I should be playing with her.
Amanda Montalvo [00:31:02]:
But in reality, this is amazing for her development. And it only ends up being about two, two and a half hours a day that Eliana doing free play. And realistically, it should probably be a lot more than that. So, like, I mean, with that, when I’m working, so I used to feel really guilty. I no longer do. And that has been really helpful for my mindset. And then typically. So basically, I’m getting about two and a half hours of work done during the day while they’re independent playing.
Amanda Montalvo [00:31:26]:
Yes. Am I independent plays at seven months old? You can do this from birth. Like, we shouldn’t constantly be stimulating our babies either. You can learn more about that from Jericho, because that’s not my expertise. But both Eliana and Amayo independent played really well from birth, basically. And then once Eliana got to, like, twelve months, it was harder. And because I just wasn’t educated around it. So that’s kind of like day to day, how I get the work done 1 hour in the morning.
Amanda Montalvo [00:31:54]:
So it’s about three, about three and a half hours a day. I don’t typically work, try to work anymore when my husband gets home. It’s just too stressful. It messes with our nighttime routine. So I found try to get it done early during the day. And then he gets home. I if it’s Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I work out and I strength train. And that is like my me time.
Amanda Montalvo [00:32:14]:
And then he takes the girls, and after that we do dinner, bath, and bedtime. So that’s kind of like our new rhythm now, because Eliana was napping before, and I would have two solid hours in the afternoon, uninterrupted, because usually Amaya would just sleep on me in the carrier and it would have bliss. And it was really rough. When am I stopped napping? I was like, I mean, when Eliana stopped napping, because I was like, oh, my gosh, how am I going to get my work done? But it’s like, I know she. I was already doing an hour of work in the morning. Like, I know she can do it, I know she can independent play. But I just felt guilty over having to work again in the afternoon. But ultimately, it is okay for her.
Amanda Montalvo [00:32:51]:
It’s actually incredibly important for her to free play by herself without me interrupting it. And then of. But I obviously, I explain, like, what I’m doing and that I’m working, and then we have family time together. My husband gets home, so that’s what works for us right now. Weekends, I will work a couple, usually like an hour in the morning, a couple in the afternoon, or I just do all morning or all afternoon. I pick one, and then we go do something fun. We try to do something fun every single week as a family, even if it’s just like going to the park altogether. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but things like that, I found to be really, like, rewarding.
Amanda Montalvo [00:33:25]:
And then it’s, you know, it’s, it’s just nice for all of us to get out of the house together. So that’s kind of what it looks like. I do all my filming and stuff when I have help from my husband on the weekends. But yes, basically I have slowed down my business a lot. I, people, like, don’t think that they’re like, you still are putting out so much content. Yes, I’m still doing a lot. I’m accomplishing a lot in less time, honestly. But I definitely am, like, when I am planning stuff, like, I look way far ahead.
Amanda Montalvo [00:33:51]:
So this has really helped me, too. So if you are thinking of, if you have a business and you’re becoming a mom or you’re struggling right now, kind of doing both, plan at least three years in advance, and that can sound like a lot. But what you get to see is you should do this even if you’re not a mom. But you get to see, because it can be really discouraging. Especially my personality type is I’m like, if I want to do something, I want to do it now. I want to get it all done now, and I want to launch it right away because it’s like, I’m excited about it and I have this idea and it’s, like, burning inside me. But now what I have started doing, and my accountant is the one that was like, you need to do this is to plan three years in advance. Like, what am I going to be working on this year and then not worry about other things.
Amanda Montalvo [00:34:33]:
Because if I think about it, I’m like, if I accomplish this one thing next year, even if that’s the only thing I get done, like, next year I have a huge project. I’m updating the mastermind roles course. I’m adding a track for different health concerns. So I’m going to have a track for PCos, a track for endometriosis, a track for thyroid health. I’m going to have a track for pregnancy, for postpartum. I’m going to have a track for men. All these acne, all these different eczema, all these different things, histamines, mcats. Why? Why am I doing this to myself? Because it’s burning inside me and I need to do it, you know? And before, I would have been trying to do everything at once.
Amanda Montalvo [00:35:09]:
I’ve been trying to get that done now and then be getting upset with myself and, like, frustrated and burnt out because I can’t get all the things I want to do done now. I’m like, no, this is what I’m doing next year. If I finish all those tracks next year, that’s the only thing I do. I would be so happy. So I’m like, why am I stressing myself out about trying to keep up with all these other things? So try to plan three years in advance. And then when you can see, okay, if I’m accomplishing this next year, the next year I can focus on this, and the next year, I focus on this. It’s just like playing a long game with your health, you know, like, postpartum, I have been very focused on, okay, how can I improve, continue to support myself and improve my health and not be, like, this super stressed, burnt out mom? And it’s very slow. I make changes very slowly, and I’m slowly implementing all these little things, and it’s been, like, seven months.
Amanda Montalvo [00:35:58]:
But it’s like, I feel really good in, like, kind of my day to day and how much we have going on and, you know, my husband’s job. Like, I’m like, should I feel this good? It’s, like, kind of a miracle. I feel like sometimes. But I’m telling you, it’s. It’s. It’s not trying to do everything all at once. And I think that’s just. It can be very hard for different personality types.
Amanda Montalvo [00:36:18]:
It’s very hard for me, and I think just moms in general, because we’re used to having a lot in our plates, and sometimes we even thrive with a lot in our plates, but it’s like, are you really thriving? And I really had asked myself that, and I wasn’t. So these are, like, conscious decisions that I’ve made, but planning things out three years in advance, I would say at least I like to do, like, five, because then I especially, like, with my husband transitioning out of the military, it’s like, okay, so what is our plan? And that is something we’re very intentional about. And, you know, I think. I know it stresses them out sometimes when I’m like, we have to, like, start thinking about this stuff and, like, what is this gonna look like? Because every decision we’re making right now should be based on all that stuff in our future. But it has really paid off for us to think that way and just understand, like, what do we want things to look like, especially when we had kids, it’s like, okay, I want to be so intentional with how we’re raising our girls, how. What kind of culture we’re creating in our family and in our home. And luckily, he is very on board with that, but plan out three years in advance. Look at your day to day.
Amanda Montalvo [00:37:16]:
Are you constantly running around? Are you constantly on your phone? I can’t even, like, have my phone near me. I’m the worst man, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m so addicted to my phone, I can’t even have it near me. So it can be difficult. It can be tricky. And I am on social media less, and it’s difficult when you have a business online. But I’m like, I’m doing enough. I’m doing enough.
Amanda Montalvo [00:37:36]:
And ultimately, for me, what I’m always coming back to is I’m like, am I helping people? Am I doing what I set out to do when I first started my business? And I am, even if I only help a couple people every day. And so that’s something I’m, like, constantly reminding myself as well. Was there anything else I wanted to cover with current day to day experiment with your daily rhythm? Just, you know, do what you can and, like, don’t, like, look at someone’s daily rhythm and be like, I’m going to do exactly that. Like, see what works best for your family. Every kid is just so different, and, yeah, I’ll just. I’ll never get this time back with my girls. So that is my main priority, is just spending as much time with them as I can. Okay, how do I take care of myself? Last thing, it’s really easy to hear my day to day and be like, oh, there’s, like, not much time going on there.
Amanda Montalvo [00:38:23]:
Kids, wake up. Oh, your baby wakes up really early. Yup. No alone time. I have very minimal alone time the three days a week I work out and strength train. I am typically alone. Sometimes my husband’s in the garage with the kids, but I’m just kind of, like, in my own little world, so I don’t care. And then after they.
Amanda Montalvo [00:38:40]:
Now that Eliana goes, doesn’t nap, she goes down earlier. So we typically get night times together, which has been so nice before. We used to stay up late two nights a week so that we could hang out and connect and, you know, so. And, like, we had to. We had to implement that time because it was like, we needed time to just talk, just us to, like, hang out and remember, you know, why we got married and everything in the first place. And so that was helpful. But now I’m like, we get a lot more of that, which is really nice. Although it does mean that, like, you know, shifting the work schedule and stuff, my attitude around independent play and getting things done, me being even more realistic and cautious with planning what work I can get done, what my schedule looks like, what I say yes to, what I say no to those sorts of things, but that is also, like, definitely a part of my self care.
Amanda Montalvo [00:39:26]:
But basically, I. I work out three times a week. That’s, like, a huge part of my self care. And I do a lot of things with the girls, and half the time, they’re not even always, like, right there. Amaya usually is because she’s a little baby still, but it’s like, for example, when I get ready in the mornings, I talk to so many moms that are like, I don’t even brush my teeth. So after 10:00 a.m. and I’m like, you know, you got to do what works for you. But for me, I’m just like, all right, we’re all going to the bathroom, brush our teeth, and I don’t, like, rush through my skincare routine or getting ready.
Amanda Montalvo [00:39:58]:
I just, you know, Eliana will play whatever occupy herself, so will Amaya. Unless Amaya needs to get down for a nap, then I’ll try to be a little bit faster, or I’ll put her down first, and then me and Eliana will go get ready for the day. I try to make it so that I’m not rushing, basically, is like, my gift to myself every day. Saying I say no to a lot of things, which a lot of people would have a hard time with. And it used to be really hard for me. I’m like, man, I feel like I’m missing out on a lot, but ultimately, I get to do all the stuff that I care about every single day. I get to be with my girls. I get to spend time with my husband unless he’s not home.
Amanda Montalvo [00:40:31]:
I get to help women, and then I’m like, I have a flexible schedule, so, like, if I want to talk to a friend or family member, I call them. If we want to go hang out with friends, we’ll go do that. So it really is, like, to me, like, I have a dream life, basically, and I’m very grateful for it. But that’s, like, also part of it is, like, I include my girls and everything, cooking meals. We never miss a meal, right? Never. We never don’t nourish ourselves. They help me make mineral drinks, mostly Eliana. And, like, that’s, like, another thing I would look at is, like, just taking care of myself.
Amanda Montalvo [00:41:05]:
Like, I don’t skimp on my non negotiables, and I explain to them why we’re doing stuff. I think that’s so important, and not enough people do it. Like, they’re like, how come Eliana just takes all those supplements? I’m like, because I tell her what they’re for. She doesn’t take a bunch of stuff, but she takes the digestive enzyme still. And I went from when she had eczema a while back, she just really likes it. And I’m like, are we ever going to be able to stop this digestive enzyme? But, like, she likes it, and she’s like, okay, take my supplements. Mommy takes her supplements. Eliana takes hers.
Amanda Montalvo [00:41:34]:
So I just think explaining stuff to your kids is so, so important. And then, like, same thing at night. Like, our nighttime routine is not stressful. Like, we eat dinner slowly, we hang out, we’re like, okay, let’s go do bath and bedtime. We’re not in a rush. And that has not, like, so I don’t know why. It’s like, you’re initially like, oh, we gotta get, you gotta get to bed and stuff. It’s like, why? Why are we rushing? So that mindset has really helped.
Amanda Montalvo [00:41:57]:
And then the other big thing is just like, talking with my husband of, like, okay, I just, like, really need a little time alone. I wanna journal, do whatever, you know, whatever it might be, and he’ll be like, okay. And then I ask him, what does he need? And I think this is an important thing to bring up because a lot of stuff I see online is always about the mom. And I understand why it’s a lot to run a household and manage a home. It is a lot to take care of children all day long, especially if you’re also working on top of that. No matter what, it’s a lot, and it’s really hard. My husband also works really hard. He has a very stressful job, and he is often gone a lot.
Amanda Montalvo [00:42:33]:
But when he is home, he is home, and he’s in 150% helping me, and he knows how to cook, he helps with dinner, he does everything that I do. We were equal. We really are, minus, like, you know, breastfeeding, all that stuff. But he will step in wherever he can. And so for me, if I’m going to go do something, take care of myself, I’m like, okay, what do you need to take care of yourself? And I just think that’s not really talked about enough. Like, he likes to work out, so it’s when we’re looking at our schedule for the week, I’m like, this is when I, when I’m working, this is when I’m going to work out, what are you going to do? And it’s very, I just think it’s. Maybe people are doing this and they don’t talk about it, but I think that’s really, really important. And it’s another thing where it’s like, that affects our relationship, that affects our attitude towards each other, that affects our libidos, maybe not his, but it affects mine.
Amanda Montalvo [00:43:21]:
And, like, having that open communication and making sure that both of our needs are being met as realistically as possible with two small kids and very little help, that’s kind of like, what works for us. The other thing is basically so, like, maybe I don’t do a ton of stuff. Maybe I’m not, like, going out and leaving the house and going to hang out with friends and stuff. But, like, for me right now, that’s not the. The season I’m in, that’s not going to be self care for me. I don’t need to go off and have a spa day by myself. I just need to make sure that I’m meeting my needs every day. I’m not overloading myself.
Amanda Montalvo [00:43:49]:
If I want time alone, I ask for it, or I make a plan to make it realistic. And I also do that for my husband as well. And most of the time, honestly, we choose hanging out with our family because that’s, we have small children that need us. We love our kids and each other, and that’s just, like, where we’re at personally right now. And it’s not like, you know, we give each other little breaks in different ways, but, yeah, I just think, like, the self care stuff is kind of, for me, it’s. I don’t relate to a lot of it online. And I do think, you know, like, when they’re like, oh, like, cleaning your house alone isn’t like a break, or going to the grocery store alone isn’t a break. I mean, I don’t go to the grocery store alone.
Amanda Montalvo [00:44:26]:
I always bring the girls, but it’s. They love it. Eliana loves a grocery store. But, like, it’s like, if it is for you, if me putting my headphones on and listening to something while I clean the house or just cleaning by myself is a break for me, then that’s a break for me. If it’s calming my nervous system, then guess what? It’s calming my nervous system. And I don’t care what someone online has to say about it. And again, like, whenever you’re listening to this stuff, and I would never comment on that post and say that I would just. I see that, and I’m like, oh, that’s not for me.
Amanda Montalvo [00:44:55]:
And I just keep going. And you may be thinking, I need that time away. I need to get out of the house and have that time by myself. Otherwise, I’m not okay, and I’m not a good mom, and that’s fine. But I think a lot of moms feel, like, this pressure to, like, oh, I don’t. Like, I don’t have time to do, like, breath work and meditation and all this, like, all this stuff by myself every day because I’m always with my kids. It’s like, you have to learn how to work them into your life. You have to learn how to relax and do things with your kids.
Amanda Montalvo [00:45:22]:
And I think that’s kind of the biggest part of my self care, is being like, okay, what am I. Am I making my daily life stressful? How can I make it more realistic? How can I meet all of our needs as realistically as possible and just make sure that we’re all taking care of ourselves and being mindful of each other? Because ultimately, then it’s like, you don’t constantly need a break from your family. I don’t feel like I’m like, oh, my gosh, I got to get away because I try to make our life as, you know, fun and fulfilling as possible, but that is it. I’m going to wrap it up because I got to go tend to a sick baby. But I hope you guys found this interesting, and I will see you guys in the next episode. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Ru menstrual podcast. If you want to support my work, please leave a review and let me know how you like the episode. This lets me know, like, what you guys want more of, less of.
Amanda Montalvo [00:46:10]:
I read every single one, and I appreciate them more than you know. If you want to keep learning, you can get access to the bonus episode and additional resources on patreon.com hormonehealingrdez. Love to have you in there. Thanks again, and I will see you in the next episode.
