I want to preface this when saying I had a beautiful birth at home, it could not have gone better. My first birth was very painful, I thought about giving up multiple times and had a lot of fear in the beginning. I held a lot of resentment for a while about the pain I went through but I’ve come to change my tune and be grateful for that birth. Katelyn from Happy Homebirth Podcast once told me you have the birth you need. Making the transition from maiden to mother the first time is a lot, at least it was for me. The painful birth prepared me and gave me a little taste of what was ahead. I love being a mom and my entire life revolves around my girls, but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard. It has changed me in ways I couldn’t imagine. If your birth was challenging, I hope it changed you for the better too. This is a gentle reminder to not compare your birth to anyone else’s. All births are special even when they don’t go the way we desire.
Amaia came into the world after about 2.5 hours of labor. I had a lot of nights where I thought I was going into labor but the contractions didn’t get strong enough. I think my body was doing a lot of practice and that led to a fast and furious labor.
After reflecting on my first birth with Eliana, I knew I had a decision to make. I was either going to lean into the pain, open up, and let Amaia come quickly or I was going to close myself off, try to reduce pain as much as possible, and drag out the birth. This may not be true for everyone but it was true for me. When my contractions were getting stronger and stronger I could feel my hips and chest close off. I was no longer opening up and letting them come, I was trying to spare myself from the pain. I think this is only natural but when I recognized what I was doing I asked myself what kind of mom do I want to be for my girls? I decided I want to be the mom that shows up for them in every moment and that is going to start right now. I dug deep, like really deep, and started sitting up straighter, opening my pelvis, loosening all of my muscles as much as I could, and letting the contractions roll in. This opening led to strong contractions and allowed me to make progress quickly. After about an hour of this I knew Amaia was going to be here soon. It’s not easy to lean into the pain of birth. One of the top questions I got when I put up a question box on IG was how I minimized pain. The truth is, I didn’t. Is that right for everyone? I’m not sure, but from my two birth experiences, I know that I need to lean into it, let it change me, and let that baby come. Each person will have their own experience. Please honor that.
There was one thought in particular that was extremely helpful throughout my pregnancy and that was related to my uterus and pelvic floor. The only muscle I wanted to be activated in my body was my uterus. It knows how to get the job done and I didn’t want to tear again or struggle. I used all of my energy and breath to focus on not tensing. It hurt so I obviously tensed other muscles but I really let my pelvic floor relax and lengthen. It was pretty cool..I could feel the difference so clearly. When I forced myself to relax and not tighten, it lengthened and we made progress. When I tensed up, it shortened and it wasn’t as powerful of a contraction. I did this for about an hour or so and then Amaia was here. I still tore but it was night and day difference from my first birth.
Birth is beautiful and wild. I hope this blog post encourages you to embrace all sides of it.
You can learn more about Amaia’s birth in this podcast episode. If you missed my story about Eliana’s birth story you can listen to that here.
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